Currently Listening Past the Wishing see related

I am listening to Sara Groves right now. She has a real gift for expressing deep things that are difficult to articulate. Here are the lyrics of one song I especially like:

Stir My Heart
If time were ever to wear you away/And circumstance should bind me
If age should bring a dark night on my soul/If fear and doubt should bind me

Chorus:  Please stir my heart/Take me back to the fire
And bring to me recollections of joy/And renew my first desire

If pains and trials come to me/And I cannot stand strong
If fools adjust my theories/To believe your truth is wrong

Chorus

I swear it will never happen to me/But how can I know
For Peter swore the same to Thee/Oh, hear the cock crow

Chorus. . . Please stir my heart/Take me back to the fire

Just a little bit of trivia (although important trivia)--her reference to the dark night of the soul comes from a 16th Century Spanish mystic and poet, San Juan de la Cruz, or St. John of the Cross. He, in turn, takes the concept from the Song of Songs, Chapter 3. I read him in the original language during my Spanish major days and fell in love with his writings.

Currently Reading A Grace Disguised: How the Soul Grows through Loss By Jerry Sittser see related

     Well, we have just finished School of Missions (missionaries attend this every five years) and feel spiritually full, emotionally depleted, and physically exhausted. It was great! We had the privilege of hearing missions reports from around the world and interceding on behalf of the nations. Another plus was great fellowship with friends we only see once every few years. We simply picked up where we had left off the last time.
     We also attended some great workshops and lectures, including one by Alicia Britt Chole entitled, "Real Life, Real Pain, and a Real God." Basically she addresses the issues of disillusionment with God, ourselves, and others, and discusses the process of moving past disillusionment to growth. I would highly recommend it to anyone, especially those in the ministry. Her website is www.onewholeworld.com.
     I am presently reading a book that I would recommend for anyone who has suffered any kind of loss, from death of a loved one to the crushing of a dream. It is entltled a Grace Disguised, by Jerry Sittser. He wrote the book after losing his mother, wife, and daughter to a car accident. Here are two passages that spoke to me:
     "I dreamed of a setting sun. I was frantically running west, trying desperately to catch it and remain in its fiery warmth and light, But I was losing the race. The sun was beating me to the horizon and was soon gone. I suddenly found myself in the twilight. Exhausted, I stopped running and glanced with foreboding over my shoulder to the east. I saw a vast darkness closing in on me. . . .I wanted to keep running after the sun, though I knew that it was futile, for it had already proven itself faster than I was. So I lost all hope, collapsed to the gound, and fell into despair. . . .I felt absolute terror in my soul. . . .Later my sister, Diane, told me that the quickest way for anyone to reach the sun and the light of day is not ro run west, chasing after the setting sun, but to head east, plunging into the darkness until one comes to the sunrise." pp. 41-42
     "The death that comes through lost of spouse, children, parents, health, job, marriage, childhood, or any other kind is not the worst kind of death there is. Worse still is the death of the spirit, the death that comes through guilt, bitterness, hatred, immorality, and despair. The first kind of death happens to us; the second kind of death happens in us. It is a death we bring upon ourselves if we refuse to be transformed by the first death." pp. 99-100
     Our pilgrimage on this earth sometimes leads us to unexpected twists and turns. It's good to know we are not walking alone.

If I could just have one day when I had nothing pending, I would consider it a major miracle. It has gotten so that I feel guilty just sitting down in a chair for a few moments. Of course I don't feel guilty enough to actually do all the things that are hanging over my head. . .but that's fodder for another post.

In our family news. . .our son just graduated from university with a major in Electronic Media. Hurray!!! It took him a few years between changing majors and working part-time/going to school part-time. Pray that he receives guidance for the next step. Our daughter is studying to become a massage therapist, and doing a good job. (I always wanted either a massage therapist or a flight attendant in the family--great perks!)

We are currently itinerating, and this time has been a bit difficult. Since I am working now, I can only travel part of the time with my husband, and we don't like to be separated. Also, we've always been partners in ministry, and I miss being able to minister in services with him. However, the Lord has been blessing our services. I was able to go with him to Texas and Ohio this past month. It was great!

My niece has just had her second child, a little girl. We are so grateful that everything went fine with labor and delivery, and that the baby is finally here.

I just watched the movie "The Queen." It's extraordinary how Helen Mirren embodied Queen Elizabeth. She is a wonderful actor. Since I grew up in British colonies, I've always had a bit of Brit in me, and enjoyed seeing a little bit of English culture come to life.

I'm rambling, so I'll stop. Don't get weary, fellow pilgrims, we're not too far from home.

Got insomnia again, so I thought I'd catch up on my blogging. I am woefully behind!

Last month was our anniversary and I believe it was the first time in our marriage that we had ever been apart on that day. He was in Ohio preaching missionary services, and I was in Missouri pining away. In the past we always traveled together, but this time around I have obligations (i.e. a job) that won't allow me to go on the road very often. It's been rough, because we have always been a ministry team.
However, we did have the chance to itinerate in Texas together in early March. It was wonderful. To experience as a couple the anointing flow of the Holy Spirit in ministry is the most amazing thing, humbling, too. It reminded me once again of one reason why I married my husband--God for some reason saw that our coming together to serve Him was far greater than our going it alone. (Just one of many reasons!)
That having been said, I just have to point you to two songs that remind me of our relationship. And, surprise, surprise, they are both secular (although one of the songs was written by a Christian and the other just the opposite).
Song 1: Your Song. Just two lines--"I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind that I put down in words, How wonderful life is while you're in the world!" (Shades of the 70s and Elton John!)
Song 2: When Did You Fall in Love With Me--Chris Rice (2005, from his album Amusing). This song reminds us both of the long time we were "just friends," when everyone around us could tell we were in love.

Thanks, honey, for thirty-one years! Here's to thirty-one more years of roadtripping together for Jesus. 

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on your side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain; 
Leave to your God to order and provide; 
In every change God faithful will remain. 
Be still, my soul: your best, your heavenly friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end. 

Be still, my soul: your God will undertake
To guide the future, as in ages past. 
Your hope, your confidence let nothing shake; 
All now mysterious shall be bright at last. 
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
The Christ who ruled them while he dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord, 
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone, 
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored. 
Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past, 
All safe and blessèd we shall meet at last.

Text: Katharina von Schlegel, trans. by Jane Borthwick, Music: Jean Sibelius, 1899; 1933 Tune: FINLANDIA

This is one of my mom's favorite songs. She told me this morning that she wants it sung at her funeral. It seems especially meaningful to her now as she is trying to recover from yet another bout of pneumonia. She had been back home just one week after a three month visit to my sister in Virginia when we had to rush her to the hospital in an ambulance. Unfortunately, it seems the cure, with its attendant reactions to medications, is worse than the disease itself. She is not gaining strength as quickly as the care team would like, and she is secretly afraid she will not recover at all. I am staying at her place to keep close by. I visit her twice a day and try to encourage her. Then I go and attempt to make sure the staff has done things properly (which has not been the case this past two weeks), or I fight with her doctor over her meds (he has really messed up), or I pay her bills, or I fight with customer service because they overcharged her, or I do her laundry, or I ____________ (fill in the blanks). Oh yes, I also do all the things I normally do such as work, etc. At the end of the day I feel like the proverbial perky cheerleader for an underdog team on the bus ride home. We could definitely definitely use any and all prayers!  (Shellshocked image)

I recently wrote a friend something to the effect of, "Sometimes it's just one foot in front of the other by the light of His lamp unto our feet." That's where I am right now in my pilgrimage. I find it can be tiring, but it definitely narrows my focus. The frivolous somehow drops off very quickly, and it is "back to basics." I wake up in the morning with "Lord, please give me grace," and go to bed in the evening with "Thank you for the strength." As another song says, "Lord, you give just enough light for the step I'm on." AMEN!